Defining Me

I am someone who feels a bit lost in the world. I can do many things, but have very little self confidence. I have a lot which I wish to achieve in this life, but struggle as my attention is moved back and forward towards the various projects. Thus I feel like I am treading water.

-I am a realism artist, who is putting together a collection to approach galleries with.

-A studied actor, who has spent 4 years in professional training. I want to be able to approach auditions in London, and try to make a real go for this career as I have good confidence in my abilities. This is currently impossible as I am living in Denmark and perhaps one show a year is performed in English.

-I am a writer. I have had an epic story in my mind for the last 6 years, it is unique in story, structure and character. It is a high fantasy with some major twists that people will not see coming. I wish more than anything to get it down on paper. At the moment it is very difficult the information is all over the place, structuring it is going to be a nightmare. I have written the first few chapters, and have hundreds of pages of research, notes and direction concepts. 

I love the story and characters with all my heart, but I feel like I need a mentor to help me.

This again is nearly impossible in this country.

-I also want to begin work on large scale oils paintings of scenes from and for my book.

Unfortunately none of these passions, unless one is very lucky constitutes a career.

The money my partner and I need to survive. So I need something else, something high paid - like my partner wants me to do. He was thinking long the lines of architecture or engineering.

Honestly my grades were good enough, but I don't think I could cope with something like that.

My partner is wonderful, the smartest, hardest worker and studier you have ever seen. Picking up the highest grades, and all the awards. I am scared that I will not be able to live up to his  expectations of me.

I am thinking Journalism though. This has only jumped into my head in the last couple of days. Due to my other interest uncovering the TRUTH.

I believe that we have been lied to and manipulated beyond belief by the few in control of this earth. We are trained sheeple, handing over our lives to a system which is designed to leave us enslaved to each other, control through fear of the church, the law, becoming impoverished, not living up to the expectations of society.

I have blog about all this called Illuminati Watchers.

Journalism may be good for me. Combining my love of research, writing and the cameras in one. I have to wait till I get back to Australia though. Perhaps two years. Then study for three.

Life flies by way too fast.