School in another Country

I went to a school for a few months, the end of the year before highschool.
I tried very hard to make friends and made a couple. Two girls and two guys. I hated the school, the principal only cared about the popular people, and the sporting side of the school. Sporting achievement meant everything.
He had heard from my parents that I was a runner. I achieved highly in N.Z. in Zone Sports, and could bet every guy in the school over 100m. I also was a 800m champ, long jump champ and cleaned up the cross country every year I competed.

Yes when I was young I wanted to be an Olympian. Marianne Jones was my childhood hero. Unfortunately this has been somewhat tainted now by her drug scandal. :o(

I was immediately accepted into the school though it was full, due to my sporting capabilities. We didn't know this was why though. My ankle was still healing from smashing the bones to bitty pieces in it, and I couldn't compete, needless to say my principal made my life hell for it.
I hated that school, worse, the people I had made friends with were going to a high school which you have to have you name down for YEARS before if you want to go to it.

An Unusual Start to High School

I didn't start high school at the beginning like most people. We were still new to the country. So I just wasn't at school for the start of the year. I missed all the important things like, orienteering, making friends, the start of year camp which introduces you gradually into high school life.
I was still in holiday mode.

One morning, we were all driving. We passed a high school, Dad said, hey isn't it about time you go. I was like 'yeah... probably should be looking for one...'
Dad turned in to the school to my dismay. Went into the office. Within 5 minutes I was talking to the principal. Then my parents talked to her as I sat out in the office lobby.
They came out and said I really should miss more of the year.

They walked me to the clothing store brought me a uniform, and told me to go to the office when I had changed. They said goodbye. - I was confused as all hell.
15mins ago we had been driving to breakfast.

Now I was alone in a high school for the first time in my life, scared stupid. It wasn't even a Monday. I went to the office and they gave me a time table and told me where the class I was meant to be in is.
Half way through the class I had to whisper to the person next to me,

'Sorry. Can you tell me what is the name of the School we are at?'

---- Isn't the choice and fit of high school meant to be a big thought about, discussed deal???

Leaving N.Z.

A lot of important events in my life seem to have played out in cars.
When I was 11 in the car with my folks coming home from God knows where, they sprung the idea that we should move to Australia on me. I was outraged at this notion.
I had been friends with the same group of girls since I was 2. We were all about to start high school together. It was going to be wonderful.
They thought that the weather would be better for my mothers sickness though, so I didn't have a choice. Now I realize that the move to Australia was also a effort to save their marriage. Within a few months we were gone. Our worldly goods that had not been garage sales away were put into storage in the basement of one of my 'aunts and uncles' properties (the same people that have recently betrayed us). I had a farewell party with my friends who all promised to stay in contact.

I cried and cried. We arrived in Australia with three days booked in a hotel in Brisbane and a suitcase each. On the third day my father brought a car off a man in a petrol station where we were buying drinks, the old man had a flat tyre, Dad helped him change it, then offered him a few thousand dollars in cash for the car. The man accepted and we gave him a lift home.

That night we drove to the Sunshine Coast. Slept in the car - we spent a couple of days in a hotel there while Mum and Dad had a look for 'oppurtunities'.
They saw one. A beach kiosk for rent, in the hub of a surf and holiday atmosphere with no icecream stores for miles around.
If the place hadn't already been rented I may have been a fat surfer chick today.

After that disapointment and no idea what to do we drove up a hill overlooking the coast, had fish and chips for dinner, where my parents decided to blindley stick a pin in their map of australia and go where it lead.

The pin landed on the Gold Coast. My father and I had wanted to go to the theme parks anyway so after dinner we left. Late that night we arrived on the coast, and drove around looking for somewhere to stay the night. Mum quickly spotted the hotel her friend stays at while holidaying to the Gold Coast from N.Z. so we checked for the night.

We didn't leave that apartment for over 3 years.

Mums Boyfriend

Mum took me out for Dinner one night when they were seperated.
Over dinner she told me she had moved in with a guy she was seeing, and how great he was - so much better than my father.... I was upset of course though I didn't let it show.
She then proceeded to RING HIM and told me to say hi and introduce myself over the phone to him. I said 'No, I don't want to - wouldn't feel comfortable...' She was stupid enough to do it anyway and put the phone to my ear to make me talk. I still resent her for that.

He said hi, that he has heard a lot about me. I said hi too. It was short. He said he was looking forward to meeting me. I felt like killing her for being so rude and inconsiderate putting me in that position.

She told me I would meet him on Saturday when I was meant to meet her at the shopping center for lunch. That was the absolute last thing I wanted.

THEN she had the audacity to tell me not to tell my father that she was seeing someone. She literally tried to bribe me financially not to speak.

I went home and told him immediately. Dad looked sad, but like the true gentleman he always was, told me 'Good for her we should be happy for her'.

I met him on Saturday at the shops, I was not looking forward to the day. Dad made me go.
He looked like a scrawnier version of my Dad. He gave me a hug and a kiss and starting talking to me like a normal human being. He had two little kids, and a love of fantasy books and sci-fi (like me). His personality was infectious, I couldn't help but like him.

I went to their place every Saturday, met his wonderful parents who treated me like a grandchild, fell in love with his kids as a little brother and sister. Which I never had being an only child. We had more in common than Mum and him, and he visits ended up with us playing trivia, cards and talking about fantasy books...
We become such friends we started working on a book concept together. Our minds were on one train of thought, it was perfect. The ideas that sprung to life were ingenious.
We wanted to work together and eventually publish it. Mums boyfriend became one of my Best Friends, and though I hate to say it like a second Father to me.
Over the next few years I spent alot of time including Christmas' together with there family, and they became my family away from N.Z. - I was very happy being a big sister and having people that cared about me.

The Problem

I thought that Mum and him would get married, but there was a problem. Apparently there was a side I didn't see. He was an alcoholic, and an abusive one when the demon came out.
I never knew, I still find it hard to believe as I never saw even an inkling of this in him.
Mum tried get him in AA... To no avail.
One night suddenly she came to Dad and me place. They talked all night.

The next morning I was told I was never allowed to see him again. A friend of the families took the book and all the information of his computer and gave it all to me...
Suddenly I had no friend/Dad there, and my little brother and little sister were gone.
I have never seen them since.

It broke my heart.

Divorce

My parents decided to seperate when I was 13?
It came at me out of the blue. We were at dinner at the club, one of my favourite places, and I went to the Kids Club as there were playstations there while they said they were going to play the pokies.
I was there for about 2 hrs - longer.... Enough that I was wondering where they could have gone.
They picked me up and I asked them if they had won anything. They had won about $100. We left. Everything seemed fine. Then in the car Dad suddenly said, 'Your mother and I have decided to break up.' I remember going cold. Feeling that awful lump rising in my throat.
Then my Mum said, 'so who do you want to live with, your father or me!?'
How is a 13 yr old suppose to reply to something like that?
I said I don't know. Even though I did. The car was silent alllllll the way home. -An hour trip.
It was one of the longest hours of my life. All I could think of was how I could possibly hurt one of them. What would happen.

I had a dilemma. My Mum was sick and couldn't work. I knew in situations like these the kid goes with the Mum, but I didn't want to. I had always been Dads girl. ALWAYS.
In my view Mum had been the one to cause the fights. Always complaining about the lack of money and Dad's money making ventures that seemed to always backfire.
I don't remember how I told them. Mum moved in with a friend, then a boyfriend.
Dad and I struggled on by ourselves.

Mum tried coming around to help clean up and take care of things, I didn't want to see her though, didn't ask for or want her help. I avoided her, how she was acting repulsed me. I still thought they would get back together though, they were only separated.

Santa DOES Exist

Every Christmas my parents went out of their way to make it special, my father played Santa for alot of the charity organizations in N.Z. where I grew up so I would get a letter in the mail selecting me as 'Santas special helper' with this fairy costume as told when Santa would pick me up. Of course this was all very exciting, Mum would help me get ready and Santa would arrive in an old vintage car (my 'uncle' collects them) handing out lollies to all the children in the neighbourhood then pick me up and take me to he different functions to help him hand out presents. To top this off my mother worked for a large department called Farmers which ran the yearly santa parade. So I also rode with Santa in this - he always looked a little different in these parades...
My belief and love of Santa was immense. On 1 Christmas eve when I had trouble sleeping my Dad took out his Santa suit from his hiding place and put it on when he put the presents under the tree, so I got a sneak peak of Santa and him eating his cake and drinking his whiskey.

My father always told me that Santa would get sick of all the milk and cookies and that he thought he would prefer some whiskey instead. Of course the raindeer loved chocolate.

It broke my heart when I found the santa suit and santas walking stick with the bells in my parents closet. Of course that could off been the end of the belief, but my Dad didn't want to let go I think. Therefore he decided that if I didn't believe in Santa I wouldn't get any presents.

For this you had to know my Father. If I didn't play. He would have followed through on this threat. When we moved over to Australia and my parents broke up, it changed Christmas.

The morning with Dad, the evening with Mum. It was a financial struggle at this time, and Christmas was pretty well just another day. It is amazing how hard to can be to have to let go of something so wonderful so suddenly. Let go of the magic.

Christmas has been getting better again in the few years. My partners family celebrates in the traditional European style on Christmas Eve, with a banquet meal and family close family get together. Then presents after dinner and dancing around the Christmas tree. Then on the 25th we can relax, see my family for the day. It worked out well. 2 Christmas'.

It will be wonderful when we eventually have children. No family fighting about where we are going to go this year?

I haven't been close enough to see my family ofcourse. Just celebrated with his.

Defining Me

I am someone who feels a bit lost in the world. I can do many things, but have very little self confidence. I have a lot which I wish to achieve in this life, but struggle as my attention is moved back and forward towards the various projects. Thus I feel like I am treading water.

-I am a realism artist, who is putting together a collection to approach galleries with.

-A studied actor, who has spent 4 years in professional training. I want to be able to approach auditions in London, and try to make a real go for this career as I have good confidence in my abilities. This is currently impossible as I am living in Denmark and perhaps one show a year is performed in English.

-I am a writer. I have had an epic story in my mind for the last 6 years, it is unique in story, structure and character. It is a high fantasy with some major twists that people will not see coming. I wish more than anything to get it down on paper. At the moment it is very difficult the information is all over the place, structuring it is going to be a nightmare. I have written the first few chapters, and have hundreds of pages of research, notes and direction concepts. 

I love the story and characters with all my heart, but I feel like I need a mentor to help me.

This again is nearly impossible in this country.

-I also want to begin work on large scale oils paintings of scenes from and for my book.

Unfortunately none of these passions, unless one is very lucky constitutes a career.

The money my partner and I need to survive. So I need something else, something high paid - like my partner wants me to do. He was thinking long the lines of architecture or engineering.

Honestly my grades were good enough, but I don't think I could cope with something like that.

My partner is wonderful, the smartest, hardest worker and studier you have ever seen. Picking up the highest grades, and all the awards. I am scared that I will not be able to live up to his  expectations of me.

I am thinking Journalism though. This has only jumped into my head in the last couple of days. Due to my other interest uncovering the TRUTH.

I believe that we have been lied to and manipulated beyond belief by the few in control of this earth. We are trained sheeple, handing over our lives to a system which is designed to leave us enslaved to each other, control through fear of the church, the law, becoming impoverished, not living up to the expectations of society.

I have blog about all this called Illuminati Watchers.

Journalism may be good for me. Combining my love of research, writing and the cameras in one. I have to wait till I get back to Australia though. Perhaps two years. Then study for three.

Life flies by way too fast.

Why am I angry?

I am angry at my 'aunty and uncle'. Who we now have proof have ripped my mother and I off for thousands and thousands of dollars over 30k. These people who have been our families best friends for over 20 years. Now we have to try to get it back. Can't afford the court system.

I am pissed off that my fathers last wishes which he intrusted to his life long best friends were not carried out for over two years because of excuses these people made, that they traded and used the money behind our backs to go holidaying in Europe, that they had the audacity to put the shares under THEIR names and put their names down for the Royalties of the device that my father spent his last years inventing to try to better the environment and clean up the pollution of this world.

These people did all of this knowing that my Mother was struggling to pay medical expenses for her problem, and was also trying to scrap together the money for a laser surgery for her eyes to stop her from becoming completly blinded.

How did they do this? By manipulating our trust and the fact that we were living in another country to them and couldn't find out exactly what was going on.

I still can hardly believe this. Infact I refused to believe it for a while, when my mother started uncovering this all. But now we have the proof, and while I am soooo Mad I am even more sad.
Sad that our trust has been so misplaced in these people who for so many years have come across as the kindest most generous people in the world. Sad that some of my most beloved childhood memories of wonderful Christmas' I spent each year with these people has been tainted forever. Sad that my fathers best friend in life was part in betraying his trust.

The last time I saw these people my fiancee and I stayed with them, we travelled for a second funeral in his home country. They even let us borrow their car while were staying, we left on the plane with hugs and kisses. From them, their family all our close friends.

Now I have to become part of this.
Potentially imprisoning these people for fraud, reclaiming the damages. Goodbye family ties.

It is pathetic I know, but I almost wish I could write off the money, pretend it never happened, just ignore it, to keep them as part of my life. Of course I can't do that.
I may off IF it hadn't of affected my mother so badly.

But they didn't just screw with me.
Now these people are going down.

What is two more lost people to add to my growing pile.